The Struggle

I'm going to say it... I won't be the first and I won't be the last.  I struggle with my body image and feeling happy in my skin.  Andrew and I are engaged which is a really special time and I'm enjoying the planning and dreaming part of having a wedding and marrying the love of my life.  But, I'm also struggling with how my body looks and worrying about how I will look on my wedding day.  I know that Andrew loves me and I do not think I am overweight.  I am however realizing that my metabolism as a 27 year old is completely different than it was as a 17 year old.  When I eat junk, I look and feel like junk.  I've put on some weight around my stomach especially but a little bit all over.  The scale doesn't bother me as much as when I look in the mirror.  You may be thinking I'm crazy but I know when I am healthy and right now, I am not healthy.  I've noticed too that what I eat dramatically effects my bodily functions and when you don't feel well, naturally it doesn't bring out your best self.  So, I've decided that I'm going to stop treating my body like I'm 17.  I'm going to go to the gym and run my butt off.  I'm going to lift weights and tone my muscles (maybe one day I'll be able to open my own pickle jars).  I'm going to stop eating meals with calorie counts that could last me all day.  I'm going to hold myself accountable for my feelings.  No one else is making me feel as if I need to do this.  This is something that I can control and something that I know will make a huge difference in my life.  I know how beneficial a healthy lifestyle can be and I plan to reap the benefits of it now and for many years to come.  Eventually, Andrew and I will have children.  In fact, we've already discussed it and God-willing, it will be sooner rather than later.  How can I teach a child to live a healthy life both physically and spiritually and not do that myself?  It's time to get my body and my mind in shape.

I feel like if I am going to make a change, I need to set some goals and, I love making lists.  So, here goes:

1) Join a gym.  Done.
2) Create healthy weekly meal plans and take my lunch to work more often.
3) Stop stepping on the scale.  That is not what this is about.  This is about the inside.  When I shape up the inside, the outside will follow.
4) Pray that I will learn to see myself as God sees me and stop feeling so harsh toward my ever-changing body.

I'll post updates on my progress as this journey unfolds.  Who is with me?

Much love,
Rachel Elizabeth